I’m getting married

Within 2 days time, i’m getting married to my fiancé.

Kinda crazy huh? Me getting married, settling down…

Well i kinda want this even before when i was 25 but this time it’s a real deal. Never knew that i could meet someone so understanding, lovely and a very much human sized bear 🐻 

I can’t believe that my choices back then were so bad and felt thankful that i didn’t get married to a wrong man 😅

Hazrul is different, different than any other guys that i dated before but have all of the qualities that i wanted and needed. The fact that he understands me without me saying anything is just 😱. Although we don’t really have much in common, but the fact that we made this work is just magic. 

I can’t imagine myself living with any other man besides than him. 

Hopefully all is well because getting married during pandemic is challenging.

See you in 2 days time 💕

3 November 2020

My dad left me 

He left us

He has been sick since 2017 when at first they said it was pneumonia, then tuberculosis (TB), he got better then relapse again and again to the point it’s no longer recognise as TB and they diagnosed him with Non-tuberculosis Mycobacteria. He had a rough journey towards the end. 

There are times that i wish like i could do better, comforting him, making him feel happy, worrying less about me, spending more time with him. I thought he would live forever by my side but then i realized that i’m living in my own bubble. I feel regret for not sending the water and milk like he asked earlier. I feel regret for not appreciating him asking me “what time am i coming home”, “don’t come back home so late”.

Up till now, i still can’t read his previous messages to me because it’s too painful. I would always share cat videos to him and he would laugh. I miss his voice, his loud breathing, him watching videos with max volume which did annoyed me back then, his laugh, his wisdom, his warm hand and hug. I really did take him for granted, i didn’t appreciate him while he’s still with me. I didn’t really listen to his advice. I thought by being far from him could save him from any harm since he is immunocompromised.

I miss you a lot ayah. I really do. I wish i could turn back time and do better. But i know it was too late. I hope you will no longer feel pain and rest peacefully. Don’t worry about the rest of us so much and hopefully we can meet again in another world. I’ll recite Al-Fatihah and your favourite surah which is Al-Ikhlas everytime i misses you.

With lot’s of love,

Your daughter