He left us
He has been sick since 2017 when at first they said it was pneumonia, then tuberculosis (TB), he got better then relapse again and again to the point it’s no longer recognise as TB and they diagnosed him with Non-tuberculosis Mycobacteria. He had a rough journey towards the end.
There are times that i wish like i could do better, comforting him, making him feel happy, worrying less about me, spending more time with him. I thought he would live forever by my side but then i realized that i’m living in my own bubble. I feel regret for not sending the water and milk like he asked earlier. I feel regret for not appreciating him asking me “what time am i coming home”, “don’t come back home so late”.
Up till now, i still can’t read his previous messages to me because it’s too painful. I would always share cat videos to him and he would laugh. I miss his voice, his loud breathing, him watching videos with max volume which did annoyed me back then, his laugh, his wisdom, his warm hand and hug. I really did take him for granted, i didn’t appreciate him while he’s still with me. I didn’t really listen to his advice. I thought by being far from him could save him from any harm since he is immunocompromised.
I miss you a lot ayah. I really do. I wish i could turn back time and do better. But i know it was too late. I hope you will no longer feel pain and rest peacefully. Don’t worry about the rest of us so much and hopefully we can meet again in another world. I’ll recite Al-Fatihah and your favourite surah which is Al-Ikhlas everytime i misses you.
With lot’s of love,
Your daughter
