Craving

I crave for real fun and a break. 

What a Surprised

We decided to go back to Umi's hometown to find an alternative way to cure Dad. Apparently not only Dad who needed help, all of us need it too.

After they thrown away this 'thing' i no longer feel every negative feelings i had before. Somehow i feel lighter, happier and indescribable positive feelings. 

Things really did go back on track, i'm more awake than ever. No longer longing for a thing that i forever couldn't have. 

It cured me, physically and mentally

Beginning of April

It wasn't so good. My emotional went upside down. I started to have lot's of negative thoughts on my mind. Easily get angry over a small thing, no chill at all! 

Keep thinking what the hell is wrong with me. Keep listening to 'Hapus Aku' over and over again hoping it keeps me on track. 

I guess i'm just stressed over everything. Too much burden, too much things to think. I realized that i sleep too long during weekends, which i rarely doing since last year. 

I'm thinking of seeing a therapist, maybe i could find some answers.

2017

Hi,

2016 was the year that i've grown and known so much thing while being 24. I spend most of my time with my family and closest friends. I didn't waste any of it. I found a good career. I could say that i achieved a lot. 

At the beginning, i'm starting to reconstruct myself by finding things that i like to do, knowing myself better and take more control of my emotion. I was doing great handling stress and problems. I overcome a lot of things.

At the end of it, i found out that people i once loved got married. It was unexpected but i'm happy for them. What i had before was in the past and i wish all the best for them.

For 2017, i hope this year could be a year that will make me more brave in taking bigger steps and hope i could achieve most of my goals because i didn't achieve any of it last year 😹

Forever goodbye 2016 and allow me to say hello to 2017 🎉

Last Letter

The feel when you're late in almost everything that you do until you experience something from few days back really hit you to the ground

You have been keeping that text for such a long time and by the time you're ready to press send the answer that you get was really unexpected. 

You thought you could change what you had before but it turns out you've been force to accept the fact that it's no longer available, forever.

Felt aggrieved, disappointed, sad well you name it all. And the only thing you could do was wishing all the best.

Everything seems blurry, your heart shattered to million pieces and thinking who could fix this? Stuck in a place that you couldn't even unleash anything. Track by track played through yourphone but all you can hear was your broken heart piece by piece.

But after awhile, you started to think straight. Remembering the very last sentence that you've said to him "I hope you will find someone that could love you more than anyone else in this world". And he did.

We are not destine to be together and i believe in God's plan. 

I'm truly happy for you and thank you for giving me a very solid reason why should i move on. I'm now in peace and no longer feel guilty for leaving you. At least i did have guts to tell you my feelings and what i've been through for this one whole year. It was tough but worth every shot. 

Regards,

Me

5 Oktober 2016

Bila Si Pengemis merayu-rayu untuk kau memberikan wang makan sedangkan kau berfikir patut kah kau memberi sedangkan kau mempunyai komitmen yang lain. Dengan rasa belas kasihan kau memberi dia dengan apa yang kau punya. Si Pengemis berlalu ke meja sebelah dan meminta lagi, kau perhati lagi. Setelah Si Pengemis berlalu pergi, muncul Si Pengemis kedua menggunakan alasan yang sama untuk mengemis. Hmm begini rupanya rasa ditipu

25 September 2016

I was watching The Vampire Diaries and GG concert at Saitama, Tokyo at the same time and out of sudden i started remembering that my very first best friend have a hobby which is lying to your face, like litterally. 

Believe me, she's a good friend but i don't know why she likes to lie to people even to her closest friend. I was the only friend that are able to caught up with her and really like to be her friend because she's the only one that i can trust and understand me more than anyone. I knew that she lied to my face from the very moment she said she dated a japanese guy plus being one of the famous girl group in Japan during that time. How can you possibly be in two places at once. So i tagged along, pretending that she was telling the truth no matter how many questions i asked her just to make her spill it. Until one moment she said that she's in korean girl group called Haptic Girlz. I started searching and she gave me bunch of songs, even have the guts to rename the songs by making sure that i won't found out about her lies. Apparently, i'm not dumb though. I took the liberty to search online when the album cover of the song that i played through Window Media Player doesn't match with the group's name so from that moment again i knew she lied to me again. I bust her out and she admit it.

I never ask her what's the reason behind all these lies and i still be the very best friend that she needed the most when she got into trouble. She regained my trust again after she told the very dark secret that she had and i feel satisfied or relieved that she finally well i mean at least she proved to me that i'm one of her very good friend. 

p/s: this is a random post that i wrote due to thinking of her out of sudden. I had a lot of free time so this is why this story came up. I had nothing against her, she is still my best friend and will always have a special place in my heart. I love her and still do.