Depression

Nowadays, how easily people take away their life instantly. Who to blame? I saw a news of someone who committed suicide due to depression. Someone famous who had everything, talent, great voice, fame, money well you name it all. But none of these are able to make him feel happy. He ended up killing himself, left a lot of hints and his farewell letter. 

This reminded me of my past self where i had mild depression. Although it is mild, i should've not taken it lightly. I got out from it. I found my source of happiness which is my family and closest friends. 

I feel sad for him for unable to find a way out instead he chose to take away his own life. I hope this will be a lesson for everybody not to take depression lightly. Get help and please do not kill yourself. Think about those who loves and cherish you. Remember those who you are going to leave behind, how guilty they have to feel for the rest of their life. You yourself are worth it, and you deserve to be happy. 

I hope this song might heal you. 

Title: Breathe

Artist: Lee Hi

Album: Seoulite

*english translation

Take a deep breath
Until both sides of your heart get numb
Until it hurts a little
Let out your breath even more
Until you feel like there’s nothing left inside

It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words

Someone’s breath
That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright
I’ll hold you

It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words

Someone’s breath
That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright
I’ll hold you

Even if others think your sigh
Takes out energy and strength
I already know
That you had a day that’s hard enough
To let out even a small sigh
Now don’t think of anything else
Let out a deep sigh
Just let it out like that

Someone’s breath
That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright
I’ll hold you
You really did a good job

Lonely November

I'm friggin lonely.

Weekdays

wake up - get ready - commute to work - work - lunch hour - work - commute to home - sleep

Weekend

Play dead

Any suggestions with what i should do with my life?

October 2017

Wow can't believe that it's October now. I feel different, different in a good way. Still learning, changing from day to day basis. Already accepting the fact that i'm no longer young. Less triggered whenever people calling me "Kak", but still in need to emphasize to people to address me as "Cik" instead of "Puan".

Now i'm starting to get "kahwin" question. Like dude relax, i'm still in my mid 20's like there's no need to rush on it. People around me are now comparing their life to mine whereby, they got married earlier than my age now. Well as for now, marriage is not my top priority. I still have many things to look upon to.

And nope, this year i didn't achieve any of my goals. It's okay, i still have more years to look forward (insyaAllah).

Till then. 

Officially 25

Well look how time flies, i'm finally 25. 

Craving

I crave for real fun and a break. 

What a Surprised

We decided to go back to Umi's hometown to find an alternative way to cure Dad. Apparently not only Dad who needed help, all of us need it too.

After they thrown away this 'thing' i no longer feel every negative feelings i had before. Somehow i feel lighter, happier and indescribable positive feelings. 

Things really did go back on track, i'm more awake than ever. No longer longing for a thing that i forever couldn't have. 

It cured me, physically and mentally

Beginning of April

It wasn't so good. My emotional went upside down. I started to have lot's of negative thoughts on my mind. Easily get angry over a small thing, no chill at all! 

Keep thinking what the hell is wrong with me. Keep listening to 'Hapus Aku' over and over again hoping it keeps me on track. 

I guess i'm just stressed over everything. Too much burden, too much things to think. I realized that i sleep too long during weekends, which i rarely doing since last year. 

I'm thinking of seeing a therapist, maybe i could find some answers.