Mess

Hello,

Hmm it's been a while since i wrote my last entry. I've been busy or more specifically i'm out of idea. I've been doing something i don't know should i say crazy or just plain, well sometimes it looks crazy to me but sometimes hmm i don't know i can't make up my mind. I've been dreaming about loads of things, beyond acceptable and unacceptable, writing songs: some broken and happiness. Yeah seems like i do enjoy every minutes of my life.

I've been to a place i should'nt gone to. Well i'm not really regret it, because i've met the most important person in my life which i've decided should i forget him or continue to like him after i meet him. Then later he gave me a hope, a hope that every girl desire the most. My heart thumping like crazy, never fail to feel nervous whenever we talk.

I never open my heart until 5 years later, until he came into my life. He was incredible enough to make me unlock my heart without doing or impress me with anything. He just walked straight plus talking, seriously he didn't even look at me. Later, he finally realized me and him felt things the same way. How can this happen when i don't even know him?

He finally confessed after 3 years been liking each other. We studied at different places. It's good to be far away from each other, nothing to be fight of, nothing to be jealous of. It's just that we barely known/understand each other. Hopes have been ups and down.

Lacking communication seriously affected me. It's like we never contact, it's hard usually. I don't know how long i can finally get the right answer. I'm tired, tired with all the little hopes. It's like he's giving a rope and then leave me hanging until i don't know when he's going to pull me up. I can't never say "i had enough", i'm trying to be a mature woman who can think straight and always be positive about everything.


till then,
Siti Syahida Binti Kamaruddin